The Impact of Implicit Memories

The Principle That Struck Me Deepest

Out of all the principles the authors of The Whole-Brain Child enunciated, the most emotionally impactful for me is the one at the heart of this article. I'm not entirely sure why—at least not yet.

Perhaps it’s because I sense that, if genuinely applied as the book suggests, it holds the potential to help many of us begin fixing the behaviours and traits we—and those around us—struggle with the most. I, for one, wish I had a better temperament. I don't particularly act like a rabid dog when triggered, but it's not the most lovable side of me.

I Don’t Want to Restrain It – I Want It Gone

As I've grown older I have seen its devastating effects; the majority of which I think I do manage to keep it on a leash. But that's the problem – I don't want the temper merely restrained. I want it eradicated. Every time I'm provoked or riled up I don't want to have to tell myself to get a grip, as I'm battling to quench the fire burning inside of me.

I want peace to be my instinct, not just my intention.

Realising My Reactions Weren’t Just 'Me'

It wasn’t until I read the section on implicit memories that I realized my reactions weren’t just ‘me’ – they were possibly echoes of past experiences wired into my brain. Understanding this didn’t erase my anger, but it gave me the first tool to rewire it.

Daniel Siegel distinguishes between explicit memories as conscious, verbally accessible recollections of facts and personal experiences, associated with a subjective sense of "remembering" the past.

What Are Implicit Memories?

In contrast, implicit memories are unconscious, non-verbal forms of knowledge, encompassing emotional responses, behavioural patterns (like skills), and perceptions, which operate without conscious awareness that they are derived from past experiences.

Implicit memories often manifest as feelings or automatic reactions in the present, lacking a clear sense of "coming from the past."

In the chapter “Integrating Memory for Growth and Healing”, the authors state:

He narrates a situation where the son of his co-author, Tina Payne Bryson, exhibited an unexplained aversion to swimming, even though he previously enjoyed it. This was a manifestation of an implicit memory: a past, distressing experience (perhaps nearly drowning or feeling overwhelmed in the water) was stored unconsciously as a feeling of fear or reluctance, without the explicit memory of the event itself. The boy simply felt afraid of swimming, without knowing why.

Turning the Unspoken Into a Story

To convert this implicit memory into an explicit one, Tina helped her son "Name It To Tame It." She encouraged him to tell the story of what happened, even if it was fragmented or difficult. By guiding him to verbalize the sensations, feelings, and images associated with the experience, she helped him construct a coherent narrative.

This process of putting words to the emotional and bodily sensations allowed his brain to integrate the scattered pieces of the implicit memory into a conscious, explicit understanding of what had occurred. Once the memory became explicit, the fear lost much of its power because he could understand its origin as a past event, rather than an inexplicable present anxiety.

Why This Gives Me Hope

This "Name It To Tame It" approach, powered by the brain's neuroplasticity (the ability of our brains to change throughout the course of our lives), offers immense hope for anyone struggling with seemingly uncontrollable emotional responses, not just children.

As Daniel Siegel emphasizes in "The Whole-Brain Child," our brains are not static; they are constantly changing and adapting based on our experiences. This means that past, unconsciously stored (implicit) memories that drive overwhelming emotions or reactions can be actively reprogrammed.

Parenting With the Brain in Mind

Ultimately, the core message of this discussion, and indeed the key takeaway from the insights of Daniel Siegel, can be powerfully summarized as follows (from the chapter Parenting with the Brain in Mind):

• Children whose parents talk with them about their experiences tend to have better access to the memories of those experiences.

• Parents who speak with their children about their feelings have children who develop emotional intelligence and can understand their own and other people's feelings more fully.

• Shy children whose parents nurture a sense of courage by offering supportive explorations of the world tend to lose their behavioural inhibition, while those who are excessively protected or insensitively thrust into anxiety-provoking experiences without support tend to maintain their shyness.

The Lens That Changed Everything

Learning about how implicit memories shape our behaviour gave me a new lens, and even a little hope. It suggests that even deep-seated emotional patterns, like my own temper, aren't fixed; they can be understood, processed, and ultimately rewired through conscious effort and narrative, offering a tangible way to gain control and foster emotional integration.

Call To Action

Join me again tomorrow as we continue unpacking The Whole-Brain Child. We’ll explore how storytelling—yes, even the messy, fragmented kind—can help unlock healing, rewire the brain, and transform emotional reactions. It’s a natural extension of today’s discussion on implicit memories and the power of naming what we feel. Don’t miss it.